It's like the war of the roses going on in my house- Jay-Z

I wasn’t raised to be a dog ass nigga. My mom wouldn’t let me be mean to anyone. And even though my dad has his faults like all of us, He never hit my mother. I’m just not that guy. But, there are times and situations when I want to lash out and pop people in their mouth. Mainly my woman. But I refuse to let myself become that guy. I do love her. And as I’m sitting here typing, she’s sitting next to me on the couch fresh off another argument, trying to fix the tv remote she broke mad at me. At times I wonder if she ever gets tired of going at it. I know I do. I have been here since the 1^st day she told me she was pregnant. I have bent over backwards trying my absolute best to please her. And still, she is combative and ready to go off at any moment. When we go at it, I try and put in my head that “she’s just pregnant”,
“it’ll be better when the baby comes”. SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIID! The way things go between she and I don’t know if I’m going to come home and the deadbolt is locked. I just don’t fucking understand how someone can see you putting forth the effort and the person on the receiving end can shit and piss all on that. During these last 9 months, I have done a lot of things that another woman could never get me to do. I haven’t got any side pussy either. Work, Home, Her. 9 months of that. I don’t have but one friend here and I’ve been to hang with him 3 times. For me that's a major accomplishment.

Now I’m not going to play the game where the story is one sided. I have my faults like all other men.  One major thing, I don’t like to be questioned. And she’s a “question-er”.  A lot of questions she may ask, I don’t have the answer to. And that’s a frustration point with me. Also, I don’t like the way she talks to me. It’s always “smart alek”, “matter of factly”, combative kind of speech. I HATE that shit. I be ready to pop her ass right in the mouth like my mom used to do me when I got beside myself. But I’m not that guy. I’d rather take it all in and clown you when it’s over. In relationships, people grow together and they learn each other. I been with her 2 fucking years and it’s like she ain’t learned shit about me though. When we talk, the feelings and views she has of me makes me think she really feel like I’m a “ain’t shit ass nigga”. Not a good feeling if you want to spent your life with someone. Not a good feeling if you’re less than a month away from having a kid.

I feel like at times we both play the “Blame Game”. She says it’s me. I say it’s her. Neither of us will admit wrong. I point out things that she may say or do that will make mad and I’m the one with the problem. She may point out some shit I did or said (or didn’t say) and I say she’s immature. It’s back and forth. And I’m so tired of it. I really want to get along and raise this seed of mine. That’s all I fucking want. Just to get along in a peaceful household. But I don’t know how to get along if she’s dead set on going against me. There is a weak harmony in our relationship. I say weak because it’s always something to disrupt that harmony. I AM NOT PERFECT. NOR IS SHE. But I think we need to realize that ain’t no fucking nobody in this world gonna have our backs like each other. I realize it, but with the arguments it puts doubt into my mind. ”. Not a good feeling if you want to spent your life with someone. Not a good feeling if you’re less than a month away from having a kid.

I’ll rap my lil post up now and go back to sitting here in silence. Everybody have a nice day(s).

Little Eric Green will  be here in 2 weeks.