Be Realistic with yourself

  

         I like to think realistically about the situations I find myself in and the situations of others that I encounter. And sometimes, that realistic view can offend others or irritate myself. I've been living in Houston almost 3 years now and the only time I've seen my family is when I've went back to Detroit myself to visit. I have heard talk of coming down to visit but only one no, two have actually come. My realistic view on this is that I'll NEVER see any of them again. That's my mom, sister, brother, father, aunts, uncles, and cousins.

        I don't see that view as a negative one. I see it as truth. My father retired sometime last year and I know he had got on a plane and went somewhere since then. But not to Houston. This IS very depressing. But you can't let something like that hold you back. Well, I try not too. My moods are up and down. I could be feeling good about a situation and my day could be going swell. And then, I'll get home, have a talk with my mother and feel bad as hell. And its not from anything we talked about, its because I can't see her beautiful smile. Same goes for my father. My brother and myself would go over his house every sunday and kick it. Now almost every sunday, I'm sitting on the couch depressed.

        But, I say once again, you can't situations like that hold you back from living and enjoying life. I'm starting my own family so it kind of takes the weight off the situation. But not really. Because my kid will only be around one set of grandparents. He/she won't be able to know my parents, siblings, and other family like I'd want it too. Its really fucked up but I chose this life and that's what it is. I have to be real with myself and the situation I'm in.

         The Queen is younger than me. She was born and raised in Houston, Texas. I, as you know was born in Detroit, Michigan. Two totally different worlds. She was raised in a dual parent home. I was raised in a single parent home. So just from those few facts you can glean that we have totally different ways of thinking. And we have a LOT of heated back and forth dialogue due to those factors. My realistic view on this situation is that after a while, she AND myself will realize that we can learn from each other. I think that when I tell her things, she takes it as a "brow-beating". When I'm really trying to put her up on game because I have a bit more experience at this thing we call life. When she tries to tell me things, I have to realize that she has a different view on things due to upbringing and lack of experience. That's just how it is. You have to adjust and roll on from there.

That's all I have for now. Its Sunday so I want you all to have a Great week.

"I could've easily put her in the headlock".

        
      I can't put on airs or front like having a baby isn't the coolest thing I've ever been a part of. And I can't front at the same time that dealing with a pregnant woman is fun OR easy. Because its no beach party. In these last 3 months I can't put a number on the times I've been cussed out, disrespected, and had my feelings destroyed. An angry woman will dig as deep into you as a BP drill in the ocean floor.

   Sometimes I try and figure out what I did or am doing to get her going. But I can't. Well, I'm lying. I know what it is but I don't think its SO big that it warrants a cuss out. Or a day long attitude. I've been told that a woman's emotions and hormones are all out of wack when she's pregnant. When I heard that, I thought they were talking about crying after UNICEF commercials. Or just crying a lot. Guess who was extra wrong?....

    These last few months have taught me valuable lessons about communication, humility, and outright self-control. There have been many instances where I could have easily put her in the head lock and just fell on the floor. But my self-control held me back like a best friend stopping you from fighting. I'm not going to say its easy either because its not. Its actually very hard to have self-control. But that power comes with maturity. Not age, but maturity. I know a lot of 40 year old dudes that don't have a inkling of self-control.

     Communication also has helped me. A lot. I use to feel bad if I couldn't cover a bill and would hold it in until I got the money to pay it. Just yesterday, I came up short and I called The Queen, told her the situation, and she was cool about it. Blew my fucking mind! I was holding the phone cringing after telling her cause I KNEW that she'd act a fool. But she didn't. That really made me feel great.

     Humility comes into play when we talk about feelings I may have about the things she may do or say when she's angry. I talk to her with tact. I don't scream, I cuss but I don't call her out her name. I HUMBLE myself. I use my calm, "after this talk we fuckin" voice. I think it works. Sometimes.

I use all those qualities or Powers as I like to call them, to keep our relationship going. Things my parents couldn't do. Some people say that being in a single parent home is bad for a kid. Well, it was. But, I have a perfect example of what NOT to do. Thanks mom! Thanks dad!

   Everybody have a GREAT week. And I'll catch up later.

"I had more women in a week than he had seen in a Month!"

              

           In 2006 I was laid-off from the Detroit Board Of Education. Other than having a child, I think that was the best thing that ever happened to me. After the lay-off I started down a treacherous road. I stole, I cheated people, I got super lazy, and I sold a LOT of drugs. And used them too. I started to sleep with a lot of different women. Women that were out for the wrong things. Not my heart.

I'll never forget the turning point where I had to wake up out the negative, deadly stupor of a life I was living. It was my father putting me out on the street. When I reflect I can see the pain on his face while telling me I had to go. We had missed out on a lot of time together and finally we started to come together, he had to put me out.

I totally understand why he did it. I was selling weed and sleeping with WAY more women in a week than he'd seen in a month. IN HIS HOUSE. Soon after that, I stayed at a cousin's house that sold even more drugs and had even more women than me. Obviously not a good move. After a few weeks there, my dope money dried up and those fast women found another dope boy to buy them drinks and sleep around with.

I thought and pondered over how I could get my life together. And I came up with moving to Houston. My cousin had called me and told me to come and try something new. That call was life changing also. It gave me a new reality. A new goal to reach. I tucked my tail and moved back home with my mom soon after that call. I saved my M.A.R.V.I.N checks up and skipped town.

Since the move, I've still had ups and downs. But I've learned to always get better from every bad experience. And to always remember that as long as you try you will have some type of success. #thatisall